For some time I observed relationships online and in world both from an outsider perspective [listening to others talk about their experiences] and from an insider perspective [dating, collared, partnered, handfasted].  The one common element appears to be "speed", the rapidity with which people become attached, and then become deeply involved.

 

That "online" time is vastly accelerated is generally accpeted.  This means that you start talking to someone, and it rapidly progresses to intimate conversations, dating and maybe even cybersex.  Of course once you have had some level of intimacy, whether conversation or cyber, then you find yourself with the rush of an emotional investment.  It is heady stuff, this rush.  Your 2nd Life seems more attractive, the person that you are with seems more attractive, you feel more vital and everything is just right and wonderful.

 

Then you start craving that rush, that affirmation again.  Talking and sexing isn't quite enough so control comes into the play -- you start scening.  Immediately the emotional intensity increases and you feel the thrill of the rush again and all is well with you and yours. The next step is to formalize the control and Power Exchange -- just taking and giving it is no longer enough to give you the thrill.  So you go through submission and collaring and you feel the rush again.

 

What are the next steps?  Somewhere in here you start moving into a full LDR to tighten the bond and keep the rush happening.  You email, IM, text, SKYPE and call.  You join other worlds and/or forums and proclaim that you are together.  More and more is needed to feel the rush --  Long gushy picks on the profiles.  Partnering and/or marrying, ceremonies taking vows and making promises to love and cherish and be together.  All the time, feeding the need for the emotional rush, the addiction that used to be called "being in love with love".

 

And then suddenly?  There is no more "rush".  There is just dealing with the relationship, with choices, with conflicting priorities, with being left to your own devices -- it is depressingly like the kind of issues you face in what we laughingly call "RL".  Is it enough?  Do you really want to do this?  And then you have a choice -- stay the course or seek for the rush again. Cue the drama! 

 

Is there anything wrong with being in relationships because you crave the rush?  Absolutely not.  Like any other kink, if that is your thing, have at it. 

 

Is this true of every realtionship?  Absolutely not.  But look around you, at the people flickering in and out of collars and partnerships -- it is true of a lot of them.

 

Just be aware of the level of emotional investment you make and to whom -- you don't want to fall in love with someone who is with you to feed their need for the rush.  Unfortunately there is no auto-return on hearts in SL, so beware.